


Not Like Her

by Newblood158



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, BAMF Neville Longbottom, Death, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:02:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28358991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Newblood158/pseuds/Newblood158
Summary: She was only gone an hour. Just over that.She was late.Maybe if she had been there -She would be dead too. Maybe.
Relationships: Neville Longbottom/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this was originally a fic I wrote years ago on fan fiction.net. In fact it was the first one I ever wrote. I've decided to re-write it as when I wrote it I was really young and don't think I had a good grasp on story telling and I feel my writing has improved since then, also there were a lot of parts that didn't make much sense.
> 
> Hopefully it turns out better this time.

Catherine felt herself freeze as she looked up at the sky. She had only seen it once before, during the quidditch world cup, and she felt the same terror then as she did staring at it directly above her house.

Her feet take flight down the street.

The first thing she sees as she approaches the house is the door wide open and her heart starts to race. Her father had said to be back for dinner for six but it was now six fifteen.

Why was she late. Maybe if she hadn’t of been…

“Someone was in there.” Her heart stops as she turns to Mrs Sear who is standing at her front gate, her hands shaking in her gardening gloves.

“Mrs Sear you almost -“ She can’t breath as she looks at the old woman’s terrified face. “Who was it Mrs Sear?”

"I saw a woman leave, beastly looking and then..." She just stared at her with utter terror, almost like she didn't believe what just happened.

"What? Tell me! What happened?" She was trying with all her might not to scream at her. All she wanted to do was run into the house but her legs were glued to the spot. She couldn’t move an inch because she already knew what she would find.

“She disappeared.”

As she looked around, she realised that half the neighbours were on the street staring up into the sky. All muggles.

Fuck.

Her brain seems to come alive then as she flew into the house, ignoring Mrs Sears call as she slammed the door shut behind her.

It’s eerily quiet as she pulls the wand out from the hallway draw. She never took it with her outside the house.

“Dad?”

Her words seem to echo as she stood in the hallway, feeling herself drawn to the backroom. She look around at the remnants of the hallway. Broken glass, falling pictures. What the fuck had happened. She could hear the bubbling from the kitchen as dinner overflowed onto the stove. Her body felt like it weighed a ton as she forced herself to take a few tentative steps towards the door, her body shaking with every step.

She knew exactly what she was about it encounter but she prayed that wasn’t the case. As her trembling hand pushed gently on the door she felt her body collapse.

He was laying on the floor, slumped on his side. His eyes wide open as they stared at nothing.

Her dad.

She falls to the floor, hand covering her mouth so she doesn’t scream as tears begin to well in her eyes as she stares at his lifeless body.

His broken wand discarded on the floor.

She slowly pushes herself up, crawling over to him, placing a gentle hand on his face. He was still warm.

She was only gone an hour. Just over that. 

She was late.

Maybe if she had been there -

She would be dead too. Maybe.

Catherine couldn’t take it anymore. She started to shake him, hoping this was a sick twisted joke. His lifeless eyes just kept staring past her. She started to shake more as hot tears streamed down her face.

She wanted to scream, but the banging from the front door startles her.

“Police! Open up!”

Fuck. _Fuck fuck fuck._

She pushes herself up off the floor, rubbing the tears from her face as she grabs the remanets of his broken wand and throws it into the nearest cupboard. She forces herself to move into the hallway. There’s more banging as she feels herself shake.

She can see the blue flashing light through the frosted glass, and she forces herself to open the door. The policemen eye her up as she stands there. She wasn’t sure what she was meant to do.

“We’ve had a report of a disturbance. Would you mind if we come in?”

She wants to say no, but else was she meant to do. She needed to contact the order Or Dumbledore. Anyone that was magical.

She didn’t need two muggle policemen that didn’t have a clue. What the hell was she meant to tell them?

They look over her shoulder to the torn up hallway. One of them raises an eyerbrow, a look of concern across his face. “Is there a parent home?”

“No – not really.” What a stupid thing to say. “I mean, he’s – the back room.” She can feel herself shutting down as they stare at her. She wishes she was dead too.

They walk in, pushing past her and she closes the door behind them. One of them heads straight to the doorway, pausing when he sees her father on the ground. He presses the walky-talky on his shoulder. “Dispatch we need an Ambulance at 173 Foresters Drive.”

As she stood outside her house the police were scattered everywhere. Asking questions she didn’t want to answer.

“ _There’s no marks on his body.”  
  
__“You said you went to your friends?”_

_“Your neighbour said there was a woman, do you recognise the description?”_

One of the neighbours had called them. Jokes on her dad for choosing to live in a muggle populated area she supposed.

She looked up, the dark mark was gone. At least that was one less thing for the police to question her about. 

As she leant against the front wall of her house, she sees him across the street. Mad eye moody. She knew him of course but they two had never met. He’s leaning on his walking stick as he eyes the people around the house, watching as the policemen walk in and out. She hears the click of the wheels as they roll his body out.

“Is there anyone we can contact for you?”

She’s still staring at the Auror across the street as she finally realises the policeman is talking to her.

“No. I can call my aunt. She’ll come.”

The Ageing cop hands her a card. “We’ll contact you if we have any more questions. But if you think of anything, please don't hesitate to contact us.”

She intends on throwing away the card as soon as they leave. “Thank you officer.”

The neighbours that had stayed to watch start to disperse as the police cars roll away and she enters the house.

It’s only a few minutes before there’s a knock on the door and she sighs as she turns around and looks through the peephole.

“Come on girl you know who it is. Open up.”

She doesn’t want to. She wants to tell them to go away and lock the door and never talk to anyone again.

But she forces herself to open it and they brush past her. Mad eye, Tonks, Lupin and Kingsley follows.

“Right mess your fathers gotten you into.” He grumbles as she closes the door.

“I’m sure if he was alive, he would apologise for dying in such an annoying way.” She says coldly, and she’s certain for a minute she sees a flash of guilt on his face.

Tonks shoots her a warm look. “He didn’t mean it like that.” She says softly.

“There’s a lot of obliviating to do.” He says with a dry tone.  
  
“I’ll head to the hospital.” Kingsley says with a nod. "I have contacts at the ministry that will be able to help me retrieve his body."

“I’ll do the police station.” Mad eye continues. “Tonks. Lupin. Neighbours?”

“Sure. Turn it back a few hours?” Tonks asks and he nods. “Catherine we’ve contacted your aunt. I’ll take you there once we’ve dealt with the neighbours….Cath?”

She couldn’t listen anymore. They were acting like this was such a burden to them. She wanted to scream at them.

“Fine. I’ll go pack. Come get me when you’re done I guess.”  
  
“Catherine – “

She ignores them as she races up the stairs, slamming the door behind her as she presses her back against it. She pulls the card out of her pocket and tears it up, letting the remanets drop to the floor.

Her eyes still stung like hell. She couldn’t believe she was still managing to breath despite the crushing weight she felt on her chest. As she looks at her reflection in her floor length mirror she felt pathetic. She was white as a sheet with the exception of her eyes still red and bloodshot.

She didn’t feel like her. She wanted to cry.

But she didn’t have time to cry.

She pulls the trunks from under her bed and starts to pack the remnants of her life here. Clothes, shoes, toothbrush, books. Funny how her whole life now fitted into one large box. As she sat there starring at it, she kept thinking about how this was all happening too fast, her life was changing too quickly. She wasn’t even sure this was happening. It all felt like a horrid dream.

Her head suddenly snapped up. She needed something of her fathers.

As soon as she enters his room the smell of her father hits her like a tone of bricks. The weird mixture of grass and cigars overwhelms her senses as she starts to rummage through his belongings, pulling out his favourite sweater. She grabs the picture off his nightstand of them when she was a couple of months old, him holding her gently in his arms, rocking her back and forth as she slept.

She walks back to her bedroom and places them in the trunk, struggling to close it as she hears the knock on the door and Tonks face appears.

“You’re done already?”

“No.” She says with a sad voice. “But I thought you would want to get out of here as soon as possible. Are you ready?”

The weight feels more crushing and she lets out a sob as she feels the tears well again. No. She wasn’t going to cry right now. She was going to wait until she was alone and, in her aunts, spare room. She looks up when she feels the Aurors arm wrapped around her shoulders.

“Cath I’m so sorry. We’ll find them. We’ll get to the bottom of it.”

She looks at Tonks knowing that was unlikely.

“Do you need more time?”

She looks around her room. Realising this might be the last time she stood in her home.

“I’m ready.”

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

Catherine’s Aunt Amelia lived in a small cottage just outside the cotswolds and Tonks had no bloody idea where it was.

After an hour of apparating and the sickness finally reaching Catherin’s stomach as she puked into the hedges, they spotted it down the lane, smoke rising from the chimney.

“You get used to the apparition after a while. I was sick the first few times too.”

She wasn’t sure it was fully the apparting that forced her to throw up.

They both pull the trunk up the steps, groaning as it catches on the gate.

“This is ridiculous.’ Tonks sighs as she pulls the wand from her robes and with a swish and flick it levitates into the air. “There, much easier.” She says with a soft smile, her eyes faltering slightly. “You ok Pearce?”

Catherine doesn’t know how to answer. No. She wasn’t. She still felt sick. But she shrugs in response.

“You should go first. I’ll wait back.”

Her eyes look towards the house, her body feels cold as she walks up to the front door and knocks gently. It immediately swings open, and the plump woman’s arms wrap themselves around her.  
  
“Oh Catherine. Oh, my love I’m so sorry!”

She doesn’t react at her, but she slowly finds herself moving her hands and placing them on the old woman’s back as she feels her squeeze. It’s too much. She feels like she’s suffocating.

“Come on, come in. You feel so cold.”

Tonks drops the trunk in the hallway and the three woman stand there, gazing at each other.

“Tea?” Her aunt asks but the Auror shakes her head. “No Amelia, thank you, but I need to get back. Moody will be by to talk about – well – “ Her eyes fall on Catherine. “We’ll get it sorted.”  
  
“Thank you dear. Be safe out there.”

With a final sad smile Tonks leaves, closing the door behind her, and a crack rings out.

Her aunts hands move up to Catherin’s shoulders, squeezing tightly.

“Are you alright?”  
  
She never wants anyone to ask her that again. But she forces herself to smile gently anyway, even though it aches. “Fine. Tried. Do you mind if I – “  
  
“No of course not. You know where the spare room – well, I suppose it’s your room now isn’t it love?”

She can feel the tear well up then. It was becoming real. She could still feel her father’s warm cheek against her hand. Now he was probably laying in some cold muggle morgue somewhere.

“Go and rest. I’ll bring you something. Ok?”

She nods, heading down the doorway into the spare room – her room, gently shutting the door behind her. As soon as she takes a seat on the soft bed, all alone, she finally allows the tears to fall.

For two weeks she stayed in there, her trunk remained unpacked as she lived in the same two pairs of pyjamas her aunt had provided for her. Food didn’t appeal. Sleep was the only thing that seemed to matter. Letters arrived and she ignored them.

She didn’t want to be with anyone.

Finally, it was the day of the funeral and she forced herself to wash and dress in the plain black dress her aunt gave her, and as she stands in front of the mirror brushing her hair she feels the ache in her chest.

There’s a gentle knock on the door before her aunt opens the door, all dressed in black too.

“Are you ready?”

As she pins her hair back she looks at her aunt’s reflection in the mirror. “I have no idea how to answer that.”

Her aunt enters, taking a seat on the edge of the bed, smoothing out the covers.

“I remember when my own father died. I asked your dad the same question. He gave me the same answer.” Catherine look over, noticing the sad smile, she can hear the ache in her aunt’s voice. “I was twenty and he was around your age. I wish I could tell you it stops hurting, but it doesn’t love. But I can promise it gets easier.”

Throughout the entire funeral she didn’t say a word. While people told her how very sorry they were for her loss, she nodded, remaining mute, wanting it all to be over. Back at the cottage she locked herself in the spare room as they filled the rest of the house. Eating sandwiches and talking about what a great guy her father had been. There weren’t many people, the order didn’t think it was a good idea, considering the circumstances of his death.

She hugs her father’s jumper tightly to her chest, unable to find the will to cry anymore. Her eyes hurt too much, and she pushes her face into her pillow as she tries to block out the mumbles of voices from inside the cottage.

Then she hears the knock on the bedroom door.

She rolls onto her back, staring up at the ceiling as she listens to the knocks again.

Knock. Knock. Knock before the doorhandle starts to turn.

She sighs as she pushes herself up and wipes her red eyes. She’s expecting her aunt, but its Neville’s soft round face who appears from the door.

Well, it’s not so round anymore. She remembers the first time she met Neville on the Hogwarts express in their first year, his big ears and round face. His utter terror at everything.

Neville Longbottom, dear sweet Neville who she had been in love with since fourth year, holding a cup of tea.

“Sorry. My Nan said to bring you this but – I don’t know if you want it or –“ He hesitates as he stands by the door. “It’s got three sugars in, my nan said you would need something sweet. I can leave it outside – if you don’t want me to come in.”

He seems utterly nervous, but that wasn’t unusual. She didn’t know a single day that had gone by where Neville hadn’t been, it just usually wasn’t around her. He’s not looking at her, instead choosing to stare down into the cup of tea, which is making it worse. She wants him to act normal.

He walks over, holding out the cup and saucer for her which she gladly takes. There’s even a biscuit on the side of the plate which she offers to him.

“No. You should have it. Have you eaten?”

She shakes her head as she moves slightly up on the bed and Neville takes that as his que to sit next to her. She holds the biscuit out again and Neville eyes it before taking from the plate and shoving it into his mouth. Then they sit in silence as he finishes chewing and she slowly sips the overly sweet tea. 

“My nan got me a new wand.” He suddenly blurts out. She looks over at him, glad he didn’t ask how she was, or say how sorry he was. She’s thrilled to talk about anything else. “Wanna see?”

She nods and he pulls it from his pocket. “Cherry wood. Unicorn hair.” He says proudly. “I know it’s not my dad’s but – this one feels like it belongs to me. I can’t wait to get back to school and try it out properly.”

She smiles slightly as she looks at him, pleased to see the look of delight on his face, even if it does fade suddenly.

“My nan wasn’t even mad about the department of mysteries. She told me she was proud. That my father would have done the same.”

He looks over to her then, a sad look on his face.

“You’re coming back to school next week? Right?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

It’s the first thing she’s said to anyone other than her aunt all day. 

“Well, I thought – I don’t know. Maybe with what happened you wouldn’t want to.”

“At least at school I won’t have my aunt fussing over me every five minutes. I’m sick of it.” She can’t help how bitter it sounds coming from her mouth, but it’s not aimed at Neville, it’s not even aimed at her aunt. Her needed some normality, but she wasn’t sure if school would bring her that either.

“She’s just worried.” He shrugs, but she hears the hurt in his tone. “We all are. When you didn’t reply to the letter we started to worry.” Catherine looks over to the stack of letters on her nightstand, most of them from him and the guilt settles slightly. It wasn’t personal. “I understand why though.” He continues. “Why you wouldn’t want to talk to anyone.”

He slowly wraps an arm around her shoulders, squeezing lightly. She remembers a time when Neville had been terrified to even utter a word to her, and now he was doing this.

She wants so badly to kiss him, for some distraction from the utter ache she feels. But she’s not sure that day should be the one where she tries to kiss him for the first time. Her father’s funeral and potential utter rejection on the same day probably would be too much to bear.

But she was certain Neville liked her too. He wasn’t exactly a go getter, and she knew in a million years he would probably never be the one to kiss her first. Still, it would have been nice. It’s not like she didn’t give him a hundred opportunities since the Yule Ball and had seen the shy looks and glances he always gave her. 

Even so, if it never happened, she was still remarkably happy to have him as her best friend. She couldn’t imagine sitting with anyone else in that moment, or wanting to.

“Hermione wanted to check in on you, Ginny too.”  
  
“No.” She says quietly as she leaned her head on his shoulder. “I’m not ready for that yet.”

Neville nods, still rubbing her arm tenderly as he places a kiss on the top of her head.

Well, close enough. 


	3. Chapter 3

Catherine woke up at six in the morning on the first of September, staring at her trunk in the corner of the spare room.

Her room. It was her room now.

She felt relived it was finally here, eager to go back to school and back to something that felt normal. Even if she knew she would probably be the topic of conversation amongst everyone.

Finally, she forces herself up and heads to the bathroom, standing under the spray of hot water until it started to burn her skin. At least she felt something then. After what seems like hours, she finally switches off the water and wraps the towel around herself, wiping the condensation from the mirror.

She didn’t even look like herself anymore. Much less feel it. She didn’t recognize the colourless skin and dark rings under her eyes. Her hair was starting to grow out and become raggedy. Usually before the start of school she would always go for a haircut, but this year it hadn’t even been a thought.

She needed to try and make herself look normal, maybe it would help her feel that way.

Catherine locks herself in the bathroom for a hour getting herself ready before she heard the knock on the door.

“I’m making breakfast if you want anything?”

She had been avoiding food most days, her appetite completely gone. But no. She was normal now. Normal people ate.

“Yes please.” She answers back and she hears her aunt’s footsteps disappear down the corridor.

When she finally enters the kitchen, dressed, hair done, her aunt looks over and smiles sweetly at her. “You look nice dear. Come on, take a seat. I made you eggs and bacon. Do you want toast?”

“Sure.” Catherine says softly as she takes a seat and sips on the orange juice waiting for her. Her aunt sets the toast down and takes her seat, Catherine picks at the egg while her aunts butters her toast.

“Are you excited about going back to school?”

Catherine really hated the small talk and wished she was back in bed.

“I guess. It’ll be nice to see everyone.”

“Well, hopefully it will take your mind off things.”

Catherine chews slowly, nodding at her aunts words. How was she meant to not think about it? Her dads murder was still out there somewhere, and no one had a bloody clue where.

She had listened in on the conversations in her aunt’s lounge where they talked about having no new information. They had asked her questions too, but none she knew the answer to.

“Also, did I mention you look lovely."

"You did. I thought I should make an effort"

Her aunt reaches out a hand, gently stroking her cheek. “Your father would be very proud of you dear. I know how hard this has all been.”

She finishes chewing the bit of bacon in her mouth before swallowing and standing from the table. “I should just go double check I have everything packed before we go.” She lies, heading to her room to cry one last time before they left for Kings cross.

“Make sure you write. And…if you’re not ready, you can come straight home.”

Catherine tugs the bag onto her shoulder as she looks at her teary-eyed aunt. “I promise to write, and it will be fine. Besides, Newts coming up. Can’t exactly skip those.”

She latches onto her then, squeezing tight, and Catherine brings her hands up to rub at her aunts back. Over her shoulder she sees Neville down the platform, and he waves at her as her aunt squeeze tighter.   
  
“I mean it. You can come straight home.” Her aunt murmurs and Catherine nods as the whistle blows, pulling herself away. Her aunt wipes the tears from her face. “And I’ll let you know if there’s any news. I promise.”

Catherine clambers aboard, waving at her aunt as the train pulls from the station, and as it heads out she starts to walk down the corridor towards the compartment, knocking on the glass door.

The four heads spin round, but it’s Hermione who leaps up first, tugging the door open and pulling her into a hug.

“Oh Cathy, we were so worried about you!”

“Uh – hey Hermione.”

She pulls back, gripping her ars tightly as she smiles at her. “We didn’t know if you would – after what happened. You didn’t write so we weren’t sure – “

“Well – I’m here so…can we all start acting a bit normal, please?”

Hermione’s eye grow slightly wide for a second. “Yes, of course. Sorry. Ronald would you move up!”

Ron grunts as she pushes himself up in the seats towards the window and Hermione takes a seat next to him, Catherine following suit. Harry shoots her a sad smile from his seat by the window and Neville does the same.

“So – how was everyone’s summer?”  
  
“Fine.” Hermione says softly. 

“Rather boring really.” Ron shrugs, already pulling a bag of food from his pocket.

“I got a new wand.” Neville says with excitement and Ron rolls his eyes.

“Yes Neville – we know. You’ve mentioned it once or eighteen hundred times.”

The silence seems to fill the compartment. The trio exchange a look, Harry in particular seeming like he wants to talk despite not saying anything.

“Sorry about your dad Cathy.” He says quietly.

“Sorry about your godfather.” She mumbles back. Harry nods curtly, gazing back out the window. The air in the compartment feels like its strangling.

“I’m just going to go and…get some air.”

“Cath – “

She ignores Hermione as she makes her way out of the compartment and down towards the other carriages. Stopping to catch her breath halfway down.

She wasn’t even at school yet and she already felt like she was suffocating. 

“Cath?”

She looks up when she recognizes Neville’s soft voice and she tightly folds her arms across her chest. “I’m fine – I just – I don’t know. You didn’t have to come after me.”  
  
“Well Harry seemed like he wanted to talk to Ron and Hermione. Don’t think I was invited.”

She nods as she presses her back against the wall, letting out a breath. “I don’t know why this is so hard.”  
  
He brushes his hair back. “Because it is hard.” He says softly. “And it will be hard. For a long time. Every time I see my parents, I think maybe this time it’s not going to hurt, but it doesn’t really.”

“I’m sorry.” She says softly, looking out of the window to the countryside rolling by. “I keep thinking about if my mother knows that my dad’s gone. If she would even care.”  
  
“I thought you said you didn’t know who she was?”  
  
“I don’t….I just…I don’t know. Maybe she would care about something like that?”

“Did you ever ask your dad about her?”

She shrugs. “A few times but – He always said he would tell me one day. Guess he won’t get a chance now.” She half laughs despite the complete hopelessness of the situation. She looks over to Neville who’s staring at her with a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“Do you – is there anything I can do?”

She shakes her head. “Reckon Harry’s shut up by now?”  
  
“Probably not. Maybe we should go find Luna and Ginny instead?”

She nods and they leave the hallways, making their way down to the end of the train.

By the time they arrived at the castle the sink feeling in her stomach has slowly evaporated, and she was actually glad to sit down in the great hall and watch the first years being sorted just like every other year. Everything was starting to feel a bit more ordinary.

Harry took a seat next to her, face covered in blood, and she raises an eyebrow as he uses a napkin to wipe it away.

“You ok potter?”  
  
“Fine.” He shrugs. “Nothing out of the ordinary right?”

She looks over to Neville who had the same puzzled expression on his face, and they settle in to listen to Dumbledore’s speech


End file.
